The Sync Magazine

Can The Saints Overcome The Irish

The ferocity of the much discussed Manu Tuilagi punch (or punches) won’t have anything on the sustained intensity of the collisions in the Heineken Cup final this Saturday evening. Talking to reporters Tuesday, Jamie Heaslip, the Leinster and Ireland No.8, said that his teammates would need to ‘be in a coffin’ should they wish to withdraw themselves from selection, and you get the feeling that similarly debilitating cause would be required for most of these men to leave the field once the game has started.

It will be brutal, which is precisely the way Northampton Saints want it. This cliché that Northampton are a ‘direct’ and uncomplicated side is a cliché for a damn fine reason. They want to blow you away in the scrum, they aim to carry hard and they try to knock you back in the tackle. Dynamism and power is the key, it is the reason they replaced Euan Murray with Brian Mujati and Neil Best with Tom Wood, and the reason they quickly withdrew any plans to make Shane Geraghty into a playmaking 12 over the oaklike James Downey. There is no great invention to their play, with their half-backs acting as facilitators rather than creators, choosing to hit runners on the gainline at depth after only one or two passes and virtually refusing, bar the odd Foden led counter-attack, to play any rugby in their own half. It is nonetheless effective and their record of eight wins in eight Heineken Cup games this season is proof that, providing the execution is good enough, their opponents have found it impossible to stop what they know is coming.

A Real S.O.B.

Leinster are markedly more imaginative and multifaceted in their play. Like all the best sides they rely on quick ball, both their scrum-halves can crumble without it, but they look to vary the point of attack off of every phase, whether looking for an inside runner, Gordon D’Arcy on the crash, Jonathan Sexton on the loop or Isa Nacewa hitting the line in midfield. The incredible thing is that even with that invention and lack of prescription in their play, the whole team is incredibly in sync with one another and they appear preternaturally able find themselves in support of the ball and its carrier, something that is an incredible testament to the work-rate of this Leinster side and in particular their back-row. It is often said that Leinster and Ireland have been supremely advantaged by the defensive technique of their centre pairing, and though that is true it does a disservice to the forwards in front of them. Sean O’Brien the young multi-purpose backrow from farming-stock, has rightfully received plaudits for the way he bust tackles in his eye-catching carries, but the truly stunning thing is the frequency with which he offers himself for the carry, the amount of rucks he hits and the amount of tackles he makes. A level of fitness and hard-work that is backed up by Heaslip, the hooker Richardt Strauss and whichever one of the other four or five Heineken Cup-quality back-rowers they choose to select.

The Front Row Saints

It seems that virtually everyone with even a passing knowledge of the game has made Leinster favourites, some considerably so. In a surprisingly unguarded moment, the current Ireland defence coach Less Kiss said, on the Ruggamatrix podcast, that he expected Leinster to win by two scores. While it is true that Leinster are a better team and by enlarge have better players, finals are virtually always a tight affair, and this one promises to be no different because Northampton want to turn the game into a Tonga’uiha sized arm wrestle and in Romain Poite they have a referee who will allow them to do so. Poite is in no way biased, as some of the Irish media and supporters (mostly based in Munster) claim, and he is consistent in his interpretations, but his style routinely leads to matches turning into slugfests, in antithesis to the drive towards increased fluency by the IRB. He does not seem to care about the offside line, he allows the team in possession to seal off with impunity, he lets defences slow ball but very rarely steal it and, quite importantly, he tends to significantly favour the scrum going forward irrespective of the way that dominance is achieved. Some journalists have praised the decisive way in which he adjudicates the scrum contest, but they fail to give credence to the fact that dominance is not always gained legally. Northampton have a very powerful scrum, the timing of their eight-man shove on opposition ball can be legitimately awesome, but they frequently cheat, having Dylan Hartley drive up or Tonga’uiha across. If Hartley has taken a step forward before he pops up you can be pretty certain he will not be penalised. Leinster’s scrum has undoubtedly improved since the ignoble thrashing at the hands of Toulouse last year, but they will still struggle to match Northampton for brute strength, in which case Poite’s perception of any illegality will be vital.

Even if the Northampton scrum secures the upper hand, their ability to maintain possession could be threatened at the lineout. Though I believe Tom Wood has been considerably overhyped this year, he is an excellent lineout forward and Hartley will miss having him there to take and disrupt ball. Hartley’s accuracy out of touch has improved significantly over the last year, but last week Tom Croft or Leicester showed that he can be got at, and Leinster have reportedly chose to select Kevin McLaughlin (who toyed with the Leicester lineout in the quarter-final) over Shane Jennings to do just that.

Mclaughlin Rises High

Like most games, this final will probably come down to who can best secure quick possession and who will succeed in slowing down the opposition. Unfortunately for Northampton, Leinster have a major advantage in the back-row, and though Poite will be a leveller, he will not contribute enough to stop the Irish team from dictating the terms of the contact area. This is a young and relatively callow Northampton team with a handful of exceptional athletes, but they do not seem to have the tools to beat what is the most well rounded team European rugby has seen for at least the last five or six years.

Who Am I Supposed To Root For?

Somehow This Makes Sense

Peek-A-Boo Biscuits

Barcelona on the other hand, are led by the cute and playful Messi, alongside local boys Pep, Xavi, Iniesta and Puyol (the comic relief). Obviously they are not Stoke, they are not wholly awful. They play football the ‘right’ way, or so I’m told, they wonderfully represent their people in Catalonia and they even have a firm relationship with Unicef, a bloody children’s charity. I understand all that and I’m very envious, I’d love to have been brought up in Barcelona and had a season ticket to the Nou Camp, yet I am coming to despise them. I certainly appreciate their excellence, through a combination of skill, tactical acumen, athleticism and work ethic, they are the most dominant club side I have ever seen, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. Busquets is despicable, he is either the biggest play-actor in the world or has lowest pain threshold in human history, Alves is worse, all Iniesta wants to do is try to force contact and draw a foul, Guardiola is so preening and smug he makes Mourinho look as sincere, modest and disheveled as Uncle Woy, and the sycophancy that follows them is unbearable. Worst of all is the unrelenting sense of invincibility. I don’t necessarily dislike winners, but I do find myself disliking people who win so often with total efficiency, even when it is more artistic than mechanical.

I watch sport, in part, because of the virtuous unpredictability. Happy endings are not a pre-requisite and a fan really does run the full gamut of emotions over the course of a season, let alone a lifetime. Barcelona winning 95% of their games, most of them comfortably, works against that. Mourinho’s gameplan to ‘beat’ Barca has been to cede possession, play athletes in the middle and hope with all his might they fail to take their chances. Frankly, when the best result attainable is a one-nil extra-time victory earned by Catalonian profligacy, I am bored. When that is matched by a volume of hammed up ‘acting’ and bluster on show that would make Sean Penn blush, I am also depressed. I can re-watch the original trilogy over and over, safe in the knowledge things will not go well for the Emperor, but watching this Barcelona team, crushing everything put in front of them through an aggregation of their tremendous ability allied with their irredeemable cynicism, just isn’t very fun. In this quadrilogy, the Empire is fighting the Borg to an anti-climatic standstill and everybody loses.

The Rugby Continues (all around the world)

So the Six Nations is purring along nicely, back after an off weekend which saw some rather dull and under strength club rugby in the Northern Hemisphere as well as the start of the rather awkwardly named, though thankfully exciting, SupeRugby down South. The story of last weekend in colder climates was that Matt Banahan is really rather good, at least at a level where defenders can’t prevent him from releasing his arms for the offload and defences that fail to punish his tugboat-esque acceleration, and on the other side of the world the headlines were dominated (at least until the horrific natural disaster in Christchurch for which we send out sympathies) by the whitewash of the new Melbourne Rebels, the capitulation of the Hurricanes and a great match in Auckland that went back and forth faster than a heavily medicated kid trying to do a full 360 loop on a swing.

The key to Super Rugby this year will first be trying to work at what on earth the new ‘conference system’ actually entails, the logistics of which seem as complex as the credit default swaps market, and if any players can come from relative obscurity to push for Rugby World Cup places. Robbie Coleman the young Brumbies centre was electric against the Chiefs (can I please get lottery numbers off of anyone who expected to see Tana Umaga playing first class rugby again) and if he maintains that level of performance then Giteau and Barnes could be under serious pressure for the 12 jersey, Tawera Kerr-Barlow the former ‘Baby Black’ looked really promising at 9 for those same Chiefs when he replaced Leonard and in Africa, Patrick Lambie looks set to make the Boks 10 shirt his own in the coming months. In terms of overall strength it seems relatively as you were, the best sides again look to be the Crusaders, Bulls and Tahs.

Going back to test rugby, it is a pivotal weekend in Europe. Only one team, at most, will still be battling for a grand slam come Monday, Italy will have probably their best chance of avoiding their sixth winless tournament in their twelfth Championship, and either Ireland or Scotland could see campaigns that promised so much turn disastrous. ‘The Crunch’ (none of this Francophile pandering please) is very intriguing. Since the last round much of the focus has been on Chris Ashton’s scoring record and his subsequent ‘celebrations’, but England’s success is actually a consequence not of daring back-play but a change of ethos up front. This is best exemplified by a few recent ‘replacements’ to the team. In the past, under Johnson and Wells there was a preference for static solidity over enthusiasm and dynamism, something which saw Joe Worsley consistently selected in match-day 22s and Tim Payne the second choice loosehead behind Andrew Sheridan. With Tom Croft’s long term injury and Sheridan’s niggle it would have been very easy for the England management team to take a safety first approach and muddle through, but in giving first caps to Tom Wood and Alex Corbisiero, they reaffirmed the intentions of the autumn. This was a side that was going to be big, as all England teams are, but also one that was athletic, which would carry over the gainline and ruck beyond it, an area where Corbisiero shone unlike any English prop for quite some time. Admittedly someone like Louis Deacon does not fit that blueprint perfectly, but with Lawes and Attwood out, and Shaw having aged exponentially in the last 18 months, the options were limited. It is that generation of quicker ball and the willingness to change the point of attack that has created such a great platform for the half-backs and allowed England to thrive. To see the efficacy of this tactical shift you only have to contrast them with Welsh struggles as they have been delivering slow ball with a heavily prescribed approach to the direction of attack. The half-backs have made excellent use of the platform afforded them, though, for all the talk about how well Toby Flood is playing, and he is performing admirably, making accurate decisions and kicking impeccably, it is Youngs who is pulling the strings. Flood is finding holes and capitalising on them, but the scrum-half is creating those openings by causing havoc to defences. Against Wales and, particularly, Italy, every time he took a few steps away from the contact area, the opposition’s defensive discipline flew out of the window faster than a Denzel Washington manned freight train, especially when forwards were lined up after multi-phase attacks.

How England perform against a more capably opponent this weekend will be fascinating. Yes Wales are poor and Italy flat out capitulated (their defensive realignment and work-rate was embarrassing), but England are playing well and have the makings of a very good side indeed. France on the other hand have looked particularly laboured in most facets of play and got out of jail against Ireland, thanks to a brilliant piece of defending by Jauzion in the dying seconds and woeful Irish discipline. Thankfully Traille and Poitrenaud have been dumped for Clerc and the aforementioned Jauzion (with Medard to 15), and Yachvilli should offer them the control at half-back they have been lacking, but as is Marc Lievremont’s wont, he both gives and receives, somehow rewarding Sebastian Chabal with a starting berth despite almost throwing the game at the Aviva away and retaining Yoann Huget for the fifth successive game after four performances that at best reached the lofty heights of ineffective. France also have to contend with the fact they are away from home and the cliché won’t die till they bury it in the grounds of South West London (though to their credit they are one of the few sides who have excelled away in New Zealand). France have the set-piece to win that battle but additionally they must be far less lateral and more direct in their attacking play.

Turning attentions to Murrayfield you have a tie that could really go either way. Last year Kellock caused the Irish lineout all sorts of problems and a repeat of that would seriously limit Ireland’s ability to maintain field position and get time with ball, but at the same time Scotland need to actually create something with the dominance in territory and possession that any set-piece advantage might afford. The selection of a Ruaridh Jackson at 10 and Sean Lamont at 12 is striking, Dan Parks has not been playing well but he effectively won the reverse fixture last year with his accurate goal kicking and excellent field-position game. Jackson’s presence indicates that Andy Robinson’s side will try and do more with the ball, but with Lamont shoehorned into 12 in what will likely be a ‘crash-centre’ role, it would seem unlikely much ball will be going wide anyway. Scotland have to improve from last time out, but to win their forwards will need to dominate and provide the inexperienced fly-half a very stable platform. Ireland have not played particularly badly but have really let themselves down with indiscipline and inopportune inaccuracy. The mantra from the coaching team since the French defeat was that they had to play more intelligently, something that has seen Ronan O’Gara find his way back into the side to play the percentages. The return of Tommy Bowe will be a huge boost, providing much needed incision and size into the Irish back-division. That said, the fight, and it will be a fight, between the backrows, is worth the price of admission alone. Probably the two best units in the tournament going at it hammer and tongs, it is just a shame Stephen Ferris is still injured and Johnnie Beattie is yet to find full fitness.

Finally we look to Rome. With France still to come to the Stadio Flamino and an ominous final week trip to Murrayfield, a loss on Saturday would leave Italy on the precipice of another defeated championship. Italy’s 22 is likely to be unchanged, but they will need a much better performance than last time out. Against England their work-rate and discipline in defence was awful, and though Wales will not offer the same kind of threat, both physically and psychologically, they will have to be much more switched on, finding their way back to what was generally an upwards curve in performance on the way to New Zealand. Put simply they need to dominate at the set-piece. Aainst England they had no possession or territory largely because their lineout was abysmal. Against Ireland they showed they could be accurate in that facet, if they fail in a similar way this weekend they will have no chance. Wales are simply hard to fathom, against England they barely used their primary weapons, their two excellent ball-carrying centres, and against Scotland they didn’t really do much of anything bar defend well against an impotent Scottish attack and exploit two of the very few opportunities they created. Everyone knows they way they want to play rugby and they only seem to spark off those rare occasions when someone does something different off of turnover ball. James Hook received a level of undue credit for his performance, which was basically one line-break, contrasted to Stephen Jones being scapegoated for an average performance from the tight five and one of the worst displays in Mike Phillips’ career against England. With Jonathan Davies out injured Jones will come back into the team at 10 with Hook at 13, in effect restoring the backline that played in the tournament last year. Davies will be missed, he and Jamie Roberts are very similar players, but with Roberts misfiring Davies had been the focal point of the attack. One positive for Wales is the emergence of what looks to be an effective and young back five of the pack. For some time now Wales have had the worst back-row of any tier one nation, but with the emergence of Warburton, Lydiate and others they are finding athletic and skilful players for those key positions and in Alun Wynn-Jones and Bradley Davies they have an international class lock pairing that could be together for at least another six or seven years. Once they get their props back and find a ball-carrying 8 to replace the lumbering Ryan Jones, with Toby Faletau and, the soon to be qualified, Ben Morgan the likeliest candidates,  they will have their best pack for at least a generation.

Predictions:

England 32 – France 24

Italy 12 – Wales 19

Ireland 24 – Scotland 15

The Pan-European Competition Where Everygame Counts

There have been some fantastically crappy columns from noted football writers about how the Champions League is finished as a spectacle, their argument has basically been that the group stages are too lopsided and as a result the tournament is becoming boring. They are obviously wrong, it is admirable that Platini wants the competition to be legitimately wide in scope, though thankfully his push for extensive representation of minnows has only been pushed so far. In fact much of the caterwauling seems to stem from the realisation that the Premier League teams are going to find it tough again in a competition where they can no longer out-spend everyone else. The strength of the Champions League lies in its diversity, you may have Brazilians playing everywhere, but 18 countries are represented. That said, if you want to watch a cross-border European sporting event where you have legitimate strength in depth then you only have to look at the Heineken Cup.

The Heineken Cup is currently only contested by six Unions, but in terms of strength it is incomparable to its Football equivalent. Whereas half of the Champions League’s 32 qualify for the knock-out rounds, from groups where seeding deigns that smaller sides are at a huge disadvantage, in the Heineken Cup only eight teams qualify from six groups of 24, where you will almost always have three if not four hugely competitive sides. The consequence is not just that the quality of competition is high, but that Sky, the exclusive broadcaster, gets three or four marquee matchups every round, the Champions League rights-holders are lucky to get one until the knock-outs commence.

The forthcoming Heineken Cup is as wide open as it is intriguing. The story of last year was the French sides, blessed with the largest budgets in Europe, coming back from a failure in 2009 to have both 2010 finalists, and the English shifting into reverse, having only Northampton escape the pool stage. On the face of it, the trend looks to have continued, it is the French sides like Racing Metro and Toulon who have recruited the big stars, Racing acquiring Juan Martin Hernandez, 2007 IRB player of the year, and potential French great Benjamin Fall, while Toulon have signed two Southern Hemisphere superstars in Carl Hayman and George Smith. They look placed to join Toulouse, Clermont and Biarritz at the top of the ladder. Castres will be willing, but they lack the squad depth, if not the metronomic kicker in ‘the machine’ Romain Tuelet, to make much of an impact, while Perpignan have the pack to dismantle anyone, particularly in Catalonia, unfortunately they are suffering from a ton of injuries and they have real question marks at half-back. It is a cliché to talk about the French in regard attitude and flakiness, but if they are to cope away as well as they do at home, then they will be hugely difficult to stop.

The Italians have got much stronger too, particularly by virtue of their entrance into the Magners League, Treviso have expanded and consolidated their squad, while the newly created Aironi, with their host of current and ex-Italian internationals, is much stronger than anything put out by Viadana or Parma in the past. Both will be targeting a couple of home wins and opposition will no longer be able to count on guaranteed bonus points

On the other hand the squads in England continue their curve of contraction. Bath and Saracens have made the biggest moves, bringing in the likes of Vesty and Moody, and Stevens and Strettle, but those players are replacements for others who have retired or departed, and both squads have notable weaknesses along with inconsistent tournament pedigree. Leicester will always be competitive, but their squad is virtually the same as that which failed to advance last year. Northampton, the sole English qualifier in 2010, will be interesting, their gameplan is built around a ton of power up front with carriers from 1-8, a big midfield and great finishing from the back three, but they lack depth and as their losses to Munster last year and Saracens two weekends back showed, if you can live with them up front and pressure their half-backs, they can struggle. Behind that London-Irish will be stronger this year as they are healthier, but for as long as their key player Steffon Armitage is out they will find it difficult to replicate the brilliant attacking display that decimated Newcastle against better sides. While Wasps are a bit of a curate’s egg, despite the presence of Shaun Edwards their defence has been remarkably porous of late and they no longer have a dominant pack, but their side does have a ton of pace and are able to cause teams problems.

The Celtic sides have largely continued as is, Ulster have made the biggest moves in the transfer market, bringing in three Springboks including the gifted if inconsistent Ruan Pienaar. Cardiff were close behind bringing in arguably the player of the 2010 Six Nations, Dan Parks, alongside Michael Patterson a guy many presumed to be a future All Black. Leinster have seen a massive upheaval in their coaching ranks, which has seen them hit worrying form in the domestic competition, but they have the talent to click, and the return of Sexton in the victory over Munster last weekend is huge for them. The Ospreys were relatively quiet in the transfer market, but they have a very strong squad, and once again it will be a case of whether they can put all their elements together and 21 year old Dan Biggar can fulfil his promise at fly-half. Munster go into the season largely unchanged, with Sam Tuitupou and Johne Murphy the only major additions in place of Jean De Villiers, much of their fortune will depend on how long it takes for their captain and talisman Paul O’Connell and their most dangerous back, Keith Earls, to regain fitness. The Scottish sides will likely struggle this year, they are both facing a glut of injuries and a few key losses such as Ali Hogg and Jim Hamilton from Edinburgh and Dan Parks and Kelly Brown from Glasgow, though the latter have a 19 year old out-half with a monster boot in Duncan Weir who might soon push for International honours. The Scarlets and Dragons both have had very little turnover in the Summer, both have some very good young players developing, like Jonathan Davies, George North and Dan Lydiate, but they will struggle to compete against the best sides and will be targeting home wins and respectability.

Pool 1

Edinburgh – Castres – Northampton Saints – Cardiff Blues

At first glance this looks to be a two horse race, Northampton and Cardiff games will likely decide the group, and they will be very powerful contests between two big and athletic sides, but Castres have a pack to be reckoned with at home and a couple of very good players out wide in Cameron McIntyre and the electric Marc Andreu (the pocketest rocket since Shane Williams), while Edinburgh can frustrate anyone in Murrayfield.

Prediction – Cardiff to win

Pool 2

Leinster – Clermont – Saracens – Racing Metro

Pool of Death 1: The Frenchening. After the quarter-final implosion of Brock James last year the Clermont and Leinster duels will be fascinating, much like Northampton, Clermont look to pound teams into submission, but they do so with a huge backline too. Only one side is making it out of this one. Leinster have had a poor start to the season, but they do have the pedigree and in Jamie Heaslip, one of the best players in the entire competition. At the Chabal led Racing, currently leading the Top14, the aforementioned Benjamin Fall has the ability to become one of the best ever French wingers, and the side is so loaded they have struggled to accommodate Hernandez. Despite coming second in the Guiness Premiership last year, Saracens might struggle, they lack dynamism up front outside of Schalk Brits and they will really miss the control that the recently retired Glen Jackson gave them.

Prediction – Racing Metro (if they take the competition seriously)

Pool 3

Munster – Ospreys – London Irish – Toulon

Pool of Death 2: It’s Just Not Fair. Much like pool 3, there will very likely only be one team left standing come the end of January. It is hard to back against Munster, but they need key players fit, particularly Earls who is their primary weapon out wide to keep defences honest. The Ospreys seem to be on an upward curve after winning the Magners League last year, but questions remain over their temperament and their set-piece is dodgy. Last season was not a great reflection on the ability of London Irish, they were decimated by injury for large parts of the year, the problem for them will be the lack of dynamism up front, they need more carriers, and Lamb to remain steady at 10, when firing they have the pace and power out wide to eviscerate sides. Toulon are entering the Heineken Cup for the first time behind the boot of Johnny Wilkinson, they have the XV to challenge, but Phillipe Saint Andre is an archetypically idiosyncratic French coach, and over the last 18 months they have often failed to gel into the sum of their parts.

Prediction – Munster to edge in on four wins by virtue of an extra bonus

Pool 4

Biarritz – Bath – Ulster – Aironi

Biarritz seem to trundle along and advance every year despite playing up and down rugby, largely on the coat-tails of Yachvilli’s boot and intelligence, but this year will be tough. With Traille still out and Hunt gone, their midfield is questionable and their pack has been found wanting in some big domestic games. Bath were a hot-pick at the start of the season, but their front five are limited and if Banahan and Hape’s power is stopped out wide, their attack can lose all of its focus. Ulster will be very interesting, three big signings have strengthened them immeasurably and they look to have the pack and set-piece to take it to anyone, but question marks at 10 and 15 could prevent them from capitalising on any dominance earned up front. Aironi are there to make up numbers, they are a newly formed team who is still taking time to gel, but they have enough experience to ruin someone else’s hopes of advancing.

Prediction – Ulster to shock Bath away and top group

Pool 5

Leicester Tigers – Scarlets – Perpignan – Benetton Treviso

Leicester will be hugely grateful to have Flood back as they have really missed his direction at 10. They are surely favourites for the group, but alongside that, apart from at prop, they do not look anywhere near as strong as in the past. The Scarlet’s backs are going to cause opposition problems with their speed and strength, but they will not have the forwards to test the opposition, particularly away. Perpignan are another French side that can beat anyone upfront, but they are prone to capitulating away and they lack a commanding influence at half-back, they should have a strong chance to qualify if they can reverse last year’s loss to Treviso away. That win over Perpignan was probably Treviso’s biggest result in Europe to date and they are a team that is definitely getting better, as seen by their very respectable start to the Magners League, and they will look to win at home.

Prediction – Leicester and Perpignan to qualify

Pool 6

Toulouse – London Wasps – Glasgow Warriors – Newport Gwent Dragons

Pool of Fail: Why couldn’t (insert your team here) have had this group. Toulouse should take this at a canter, they are big, quick and skilful across the park and they will be aiming for six wins to ensure a home QF. Wasps simply aren’t very good, they have lost too many key players to age or other clubs, but they do have real pace and finishing ability in the likes of Simpson, Varnell, Lemi and Haughton, which will likely allow them to accumulate enough points. Glasgow are playing very limited rugby that has been sporadically effective so far this season, particularly as their new out-half can kick from anywhere inside 60m, but they will have to expand their horizons to compete away from home. The Dragons seem to have gone backwards, their set-piece has gone to the dogs and they really need guys to step up or it could be a very tough campaign.

Prediction – Toulouse and Wasps to advance

England’s finals test…

Good morning, everyone. You are now subject to exam conditions.  You should make no attempt to communicate with anyone whatsoever. Mobile phones are strictly prohibited, if you do have one with you then you should bring it to the front where you can collect it at the end.  Should you require any additional sheets of paper or anything else then raise your hand in the air and wait until someone comes over. This exam is four weeks long.  Your time starts now…

Eleven Englishman will take the field on foreign pastures later this week for one of the longest examination of their lives. Everyone will say that they don’t think they can pass their World Cup test but if the affliction of Terry Venables’ crooning is anything to go by – it’s merely an act.

There’s that twitchy sense of hope filling every communication channel.

An indication of the hysteria that sweeps the country when a major event comes round is the effect it has on our news coverage. Rio Ferdinand becomes the first defender that Emile Heskey has actually terrorised in months (some would say years) and it tops the six o’clock news. Gareth Barry takes a break from a season meandering around due to an ankle injury and a dozen theories fill workplaces up and down the country about how to plug the leak in England’s midfield. There’s also the collective intake of breath that fills each and every lung whenever Wayne Rooney lands on THAT ankle.

However, once all this furore dies down and England line-up for the first time one of the most striking features about this England side will be just how old they all are.

This side will have an average age of 28.1, greater than with the favourites Spain, who clock in at 25.9. And outstripping reigning champs the Italians, who traditionally value experience above all else, and their 28.2-year-old side (although the presence of an Italian in the English dugout should not be underestimated). Three separate managers over the course of six years have found themselves reverting to the same old names in their time of need. Repeating the same moves as their predecessors like the kid who used to sit next to you at school and copy your answers.

When an unstoppable force teams up with, well, immovable object

 1. You have two similar but incompatible elements called X and Y. What do you do with them?

a)      Pick one alongside a more compatible element and keep the other in reserve.

b)      Discard both and find two different elements.

c)       Gerrard and Lampard – it’s got to click some time surely.

2. You have one item (N) with a higher value than three others put together (R, S and T). How do you extract the highest value by using just two items?

a)      Partner N with the best of the three

b)      Leave N on its own

c)       N and Heskey

The failure of a viable solution to these problems points to an obvious imbalance in the quality of the players that Fabio Capello has at his disposal. It is so uneven; it’s like watching Phil Taylor playing see-saw with Theo Walcott.  

The failure of Gerrard and Lampard to fulfil any sort of cohesive partnership is a testament to the managers’ lack of faith in the alternatives. While the inability of any striker except Rooney to do more than one single job of a striker (ie. Link-up play, score goals, form a decent partnership) is a testament to top heavy England’s talent is.

The simple fact is that since the golden generation was born all those years ago the well has dried out. The FA’s youth system is failing. Lost in the bloated riches of the Premiership.

Before he shuffled his way back through the revolving door at FA headquarters, grass roots training and education was an area that former chief executive Ian Watmore was able to effect change. During his tenure, Watmore made Trevor Brooking technical director for youth development and the blueprint for a national centre of excellence was reborn at Burton-on-Trent – all be it on a scaled down version from the original plans laid out in 2001.

Trevor Brooking: The copycat behind the rebirth of St. George's Park

St. George’s Park is the FA’s attempt to re-establish its own France’s Clarefontaine complex, which produced the likes of Nicola Anelka, William Gallas, Thierry Henry and, of course, Abou Diaby.

A place to pool the best talent nationwide and usher them under the guidance of the best coaches the country can offer… or that the cash-strapped FA can afford. Should it break British tradition and open on time the beginning of St. George’s Park will mark 11 years since the original centre of excellence, Lilleshall, shut down.

Howard Wilkinson was the man behind the closure of Lilleshall under the premise that clubs all over the country had begun establishing their own centres of excellence in the FA’s mould. This would create a greater distribution level and actually produce more players with greater technique and ability. The problem is that it has created greater inequality in the quality of coaching across the country and was coupled with a rule that requires young players to live within 90 minutes of the ground. This has seen the most productive youth systems hovering up the best talent from the continent at the expense of our most capable home grown footballers.  

Will revisiting the old plans put England on course to that allusive World Cup triumph or just another expensive footnote in the FA’s list of mistakes?

The Sync’s cynical voice is telling us the latter. The biggest problem the FA faces in implementing the plan lies in its one-size-fits-all approach. The French can successfully house a national centre because the country boasts a heightened sense of patriotism with the international stage ruling the club scene.

In England, the line between major clubs and the national side is quite often reversed and it’s difficult to imagine the likes of Arsenal and Manchester United relinquishing control of their talent for a few months never mind a year.

The major French graduates were also plucked from small sides before being picked up by clubs higher up the food chain. It formed a vital part of the development process. In England it will only act as a supplement to the entire system.

It would be remiss to suggest it’s all bad. For youngsters lower down the football ladder it will give them access to the better facilities and better coaching but where are the best coaches likely to reside

However, the chance that this will see England producing players with the touch and poise of those that ply their trade for Brazil, France, Italy, Spain or the Netherlands is unlikely. Watching some of the finest midfielder’s England have produced for a generation surrendering possession so meekly to the likes of Mexico, Japan and even Platinum Stars is likely to be a taste of what’s to come in South Africa. It’s a result of an obsession with work rate and physical prowess that is engraved in our culture from top to bottom.

Of course, there’s a chance England can go all the way but it will rely on a resilience, unity and solidity that has escaped this particular band of players over the last six years or so.

On the 12 June, Fabio Capello and 23 other candidates will sit the longest exams of their lives. The line between success and failure at the highest level is paper-thin.

They undoubtedly have the core skills in most subjects to score well but will probably turn over the paper to find it’s written in a different language… probably in Spanish or Portuguese.

Tags: Football, Word Cup, Youth